Introdução:
Quer queiramos quer não cada um de nós vive a vida seguindo padrões ou regras. Alguns podem chamar moral, outros chamam religião, eu chamo-lhe The Bro Code.
Com um melhor entendimento do Bro Code, seria do meu agrado que os Bros ponham de lado as suas diferenças e criem laços de fraternidade. E aí, e só aí, quando trabalharmos em conjunto é que iremos conseguir o maior desafio que a sociedade enfrenta… conseguir ter sexo.
O que é um Bro?
Provavelmente já ouviram falar da palavra “Bro”, utilizado sobretudo em filmes ou músicas americanas. Não se trata propriamente de um membro de gang ou irmão de sangue, mas pode ser comparável.
Um Bro é uma pessoa que te ajuda a evitar pôr os pés pela cabeça quando tentas pôr alguma com os pés pela cabeça. Um Bro é um companheiro em que se pode confiar e que estará lá sempre para te ajudar (a não ser quer que ele tenha feito alguma conquista).
Quem é o teu Bro?
O teu carteiro é um Bro, o teu pai foi um Bro e o filho que poderás vir a ter representa o Bro de amanha, mas isso não faz dele teu Bro. Quando alguém segue – felizmente – os códigos do Bro Code aí pode ser considerado teu Bro.
Só os gajos podem ser Bros?
Não é preciso ser um gajo para ser-se um Bro de alguém. Desde que ele/ela siga os códigos morais e Sagrados do Bro Code ele/ela pode ser um Bro.
agora peço desculpa, mas a partir daqui é completamente em inglês.
Article 1
Bros before hoes.
The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science.
Bros antes das conquistas.
A ligação entre dois homens é mais forte que a ligação entre homem e mulher, porque – em média – os homens são mais fortes que as mulheres (isto é apenas ciência).
A quebra deste artigo pode levar a consequências terríveis.
Article 2
A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it.
For example... If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have bros in the first place.
Um Bro pode fazer algo estúpido, desde que os seus Bros estejam todos a faze-lo.
Por exemplo: Se só um gajo Espanhol estiver a correr pela rua abaixo à frente de um molho de bois zangados, as pessoas estão tipo ‘Meu, vá lá’. A licença para ser-se estúpido é a razão de nós termos bros em primeiro lugar.
Article 3
If a bro gets a dog, it must be atleast as tall as his knee when full grown.
Corollary to this states, naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a bro from this article.
Se um Bro arranja um cão tem que, pelo menos, chegar aos seus joelhos quando totalmente crescido.
Se o Bro tiver um cão que não lhe chegue aos joelhos (quando totalmente crescido) e lhe der o nome de “Fera” ou “Hulk”, continua a quebrar o artigo 3.
Article 4
A bro never divulges the existence of the bro code to a woman.
It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason.
NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.
Um Bro nunca divulga a existência do Bro Code a uma mulher.
O Bro Code é um documento sagrado e não pode ser revelado as mulheres por nenhuma razão (nem mesmo essa razão que estás a pensar).
Se for uma mulher e estiver a ler isto, primeiro que tudo deixe-me desculpar. Nunca foi a minha intenção este documento ter tanta matemática. Em segundo lugar, peço-lhe que pense no Bro Code pelo que ele significa: um bocado de ficção feito para entreter o público masculino. É que por vezes parece mesmo que nós somos de diferentes planetas… (Já agora essas botas são adoráveis).
Psst! Hei, Bros ignorem o que eu disse em cima, o Bro Code não é definitivamente um bocado de ficção, estava simplesmente a mentir para provar este mesmo artigo.
Article 5
Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.
Quer se preocupe por Desporto ou não, um Bro preocupa-se sempre por Desporto.
Article 6
A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a gym locker room.
Corollary to this states, if a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.
Um Bro não deve ter vergonha quando tem que estar nu em frente de outros Bros no balneário do Ginásio.
Corolário: Se um Bro se despir no balneário todos os outros Bros devem fingir que nada de diferente aconteceu – enquanto e ao mesmo tempo - não olhar. Quando em dúvida lembrem-se do velho ditado “se uma toalha cai ao chão, também os teus olhos devem cair.”.
Article 7
A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro.
There are no sentiments between two bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail.
Um Bro nunca envia um cartão de boas festas a outro Bro.
Não há sentimento que um Bro não possa transmitir pela conveniência de um e-mail a outro Bro.
Article 8
A bro never admits he can’t drive stick even after an accident.
Um Bro nunca admite que não consegue conduzir, mesmo depois de um acidente.
Article 9
Should a bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It’s still a hi-five and that bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.
Se um Bro perder alguma parte do corpo por doença ou acidente, os seus Bros não podem fazer piadas como: “Dá cá mais três” ou “É preciso ter tomate para conseguir saltar”.
Article 10
A bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his bro dump a chick.
It’s normal for a bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of chick in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming. How to dump an chick in 6 words or less...
- “Maybe try a side salad instead."
- “Cute!! You ‘re growing a moustache too!!"
- “She looks like a younger you!!"
- “I will finance a boob job."
- “Sorry I threw your shoes out."
- “Your sister let me do that!!"
Um Bro deve largar o quer que seja que esteja a fazer à pressa, para ir ajudar um Bro a acabar com uma miúda.
É normal para um Bro ficar confuso e desorientado quando quer acabar com uma miúda. Por alguma razão ele tem medo que ela fique agitada, ou até violenta, quando ele calmamente tenta explicar que apenas quer ter sexo com as suas amigas. É aí que um Bro mais precisa de ajuda do outro Bro para lhe relembrar que existem muitas miúdas no oceano e acabar com alguém não deve ser cansativo, agitado ou até violento.
Como acabar com uma miúda em poucas palavras:
1. “Talvez devas experimentar umas saladas.”
2. “Que giro, estás também a deixar crescer um bigode.”
3. “Ela é parecida contigo mas mais nova.”
4. “Eu pago a cirurgia para aumento do peito.”
5. “Desculpa ter mandado fora os teus sapatos.”
6. “A tua irmã deixa-me fazer isso. “
Article 11
A bro may ask another bro to help him move.
But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the bro has vastly underestimated, either his bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are, in most cases stuck in a door-way.
Um bro pode pedir a outro bro para o ajudar a mudar de casa.
Mas só depois da primeira divulgaçao de uma estimativa honesta sobre o tempo e o número de mobiliário de grandes dimensões. Se o bro não disser a verdade , o seu bro tem o direito de manter a mobília onde está ou na maioria dos casos , presa na porta.
Article 12
Bros do not share dessert.
Bros não partilham a sobremesa.
Article 13
All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman
Todos os bros devem ser um “wingman” do seu bro.
Article 14
If a chick enquires about another bros’ sexual history, a bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth.
Se uma rapariga perguntar sobre a história sexual doutro bro , o bro deve honrar o Br-ode (bro code) do silêncio e fazer-se de estúpido.
Melhor ter as mulheres a pensar que todos os homens são estupidos , do que a saberem a verdade.
Article 15
A bro never dances with his hands above his head.
Um bro nunca dança com as mãos acima da cabeça.
Article 16
A bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year.
Um bro deve ser capaz de recitar a qualquer momento os seguintes campeões: Super Bowl, World Series e de Mate do ano.
Article 17
A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming.
America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can’t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.
Um bro deve ser gentil e cortês com os seus colegas de trabalho , a não ser que estejam abaixo dele na pirâmide dos gritos.
A América foi construída nas costas dos homens e mulheres a quem gritaram para trabalhar mais e a tradição foi passando de geração em geração.
Article 18
If a bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.
Se um bro liderar uma cerveja dirigida numa festa, ele tem direito a qualquer soma de dinheiro de excesso acumulada depois de examinar o grupo.
Nota: para evitar a confrontação é uma boa ideia lançar ao mar o recibo antes de voltar à festa.
Article 19
A bro shall not sleep with another bro’s sister.
However, a bro shall not get angry if another bro says 'Dude, your sister’s hot!!'.
Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other bros are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for bro-proofing your home.
Um bro não dormirá com a irmã de outro bro.
Contudo, um bro não se zanga se outro bro disser "Meu, a tua irmã é bué boa". Contudo, é provavelmente melhor para todos se os bros simplesmente esconderem as fotos das suas irmãs quando outros bros vêm. Quando na dúvida enviam à lista de cheque da bro-revisão a sua casa.
Article 20
A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.
Um Bro respeita os seus Bros que estão no exército porque eles decidiram defender a nação, mas mais porque eles podem dar um pontapé no seu rabo seis caminhos ao domingo.
Article 21
A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend.
Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.
Um Bro nunca comenta a namorada bué boa do outro bro.
Mesmo se Bro com a namorada bué boa lançar o isco a outro Bro a dizer "ela é bué boa, hum?" o Bro permanecerá silencioso, porque nesta situação, ele é o único que devia estar a morder o isco.
Article 22
There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.
Women make excellent bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chick do have the chick code!!).
Não há nenhuma lei que proíbe uma mulher ser um Bro.
As mulheres fazem bros excelente porque elas podem traduzir e navegar os caprichos confusos e contraditórios que compreendem o código de mulher. (As mulhers realmente têm o código de mulher!!).
Article 23
When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs.
This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.
Enquanto passa canais de televisão com o seu Bro, não se permite que um Bro omita um programa que apresenta mamas.
Isto inclui mas não é limitado a, demonstrações de exercício, jogos desportivos femininos e em algumas circunstâncias, programas cirúrgicos.
Article 24
When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock.
All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
Quando us um boné de basebol, um Bro pode posicionar às 12horas ou às 6horas..
Todos outros ângulos são reservados para rappers ou autistas.
Article 25
A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days.The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.
Um Bro não deixa outro Bro fazer uma tatuagem, em particular uma tatuagem do nome de uma rapariga.
A relação média entre um homem e uma mulher dura 83 dias. A relação entre o homem e a sua pele dura uma vida e deve ser cuidada porque a pele é o maior e segundo órgão mais importante que um homem tem...
Article 26
Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.
A não ser que tenha filhos , um bro nunca deve usar o telemóvel preso no cinto.
Article 27
A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.
Corollary, a bro with a coat of fur on his back, keeps that thing covered at all times even at resort, pool or beach.
Um Bro nunca tira a sua camisa em frente a outros Bros, a não ser que estejam num resort, na piscina ou na praia.
Contudo, um bro com uma camada de pêlos nas suas costas, deixa aquela coisa coberta sempre até no resort, na piscina ou na praia.
Article 28
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings of the female variety.
If an informed bro is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.
Um Bro, numa maneira oportuna, alertará o seu Bro da existência de uma luta entre dois seres humanos da variedade feminina.
Se um bro informado for incapaz de testemunhar a luta em primeira mão, um bro é responsável por documentar e relatar detalhes da luta de mulheres com fotos, vídeo ou, não podendo usar outro método razoável, dança interpretativa e/ou pantomima.
Article 29
If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm.
Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.
Se dois Bros decidirem ir ao cinema, eles podem não assistir a um filme que começa depois 4:40pm.
Também apesar das economias de preço, eles não partilharão um pacote de pipocas, decidindo em vez disso ter pacotes individuais.
Article 30
A bro doesn’t comparison shop.
Um Bro não compara compras.
Article 31
When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.
Enquanto ronda, um Bro bate na mulher mais gira primeiro porque você nunca sabe.
Article 32
A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.
Um Bro não deixa outro Bro casar-se até que ele tenha 30 anos.
Article 33
When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.
Quando está numa casa de banho público, um Bro (1) olha sempre em frente quando usa o urinol; (2) faz o comentário obrigatório, "O que é isto, uma casa de banho de miudas?" se há mais de dois homens que esperam para fazer xixi; e (3) Tenta encestar o papel usado para lavar as mãos no caixote do lixo. Voltar a tentar é opcional.
Article 34
Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Three-way.
Bros não podem olhar-se nos olhos durante uma “Devil’s Three-way”.
Article 35
A Bro never rents a chick flick.
Um Bro nunca aluga um filme para mulheres.
Article 36
When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.
Quando a acompanhante pergunta a um Bro sobre as mamas de outra mulher, o Bro deprecia sempre mamas falsas.
A Bro never cries.
Exceptions: Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend retire (only first time he retires).
Um Bro nunca chora.
Excepções: A ver “Field of Dreams”, E.T., ou uma lenda desportiva a retirar-se.
Article 42
Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.
Quando cumprimenta outro Bro, um Bro pode usar um high five, fist bump, ou um abraço entre Bros, mas nunca totalmente abraçados.
Article 43
A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
Um Bro ama o seu país, a não ser que esse país não seja América.
Article 44
A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.
Exceptions – If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.
Um Bro nunca aplica protector solar noutro Bro.
Excepção: Se os Bros estiverem a menos de 7 graus de latitude em relação ao equador.
Article 45
Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.
Reasons :
a) Cloth pockets are roomier and elastic allowing for a thicker wad of cash.
b) Denim clashes with the club’s leopard, zebra or other safari animal motif.
c) One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER – Zipper.
d) It’s a performance and deserves respect.
e) You don’t feel it as much on your… you know what..
Um Bro nunca leva calças de ganga para um bar de strip.
Porquê é que um Bro nunca leva calças de ganga para um bar de strip:
1. Bolsos de pano são muito mais espaçosos, o que permite maior quantidade de dinheiro.
2. A ganga não combina com o padrão leopardo, zebra ou qualquer outro animal de safari.
3. 1 palavra, 2 sílabas, 3 horas nas urgências: zipper.
4. É um espectáculo e merece respeito. Estas dançarinas exóticas têm praticado sem descanso numa coreográfica forma de arte. Usarias um fato de macaco no ballet? Pergunta rasteira, Bros não vêm ballet.
Article 46
If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has
(a) taken his shoes off,
(b) is snoring,
(c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or
(d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.
Se um bro está sentado ao lado de um gajo que está na cadeira do meio, ele deve dar-lhe todo o descansa braço, a não ser que:
a) Ele tirou os sapatos.
b) Está a ressonar.
c) Faz um Bro levantar mais queuma vez para ir à casa de banho.
d) Pede os headphones depois de anunciarem que vai dar o filme “27 Dresses”. Vejam o artigo 35.
Article 47
A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.
Um Bro nunca veste rosa, nem mesmo na Europa.
Article 48
A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged
Corollary: A Bro also never reveals how many chicks another bro has banges.
When a chick meets a Bro, there are three things she wants to know:
1. How much money does he make?
2. Is he shorter than her?
3. How many chicks has he banged?
Eventually, she will figure out the first two, bur a Bro never answers the third question. If, however, a Bro feels compelled to answer (i.e, sex is beeing withheld until he supplies a tally), he can calculate the acceptable number using the following formula:
n = (a/(10+s))^0 + 5
n = number of chicks
a= Bro's age
s = inquiring chick's slut factor (1=nun, 10 former nun)
Um bro nunca releva quantas gajas já levou para a cama.
Corolário: Um Bro também nunca releva quantas gajas outro Bro já levou para a cama.
Quando um Bro conhece uma gaja, há 3 coisas que ela quer saber:
1. Quanto dinheiro ele ganha.
2. Se ele é mais baixo que ela.
3. Quantas gajas ele levou para a cama.
Eventualmente ela descobre a primeiras duas, mas um Bro nunca responde à terceira questão. Se o Bro sentir na obrigação de responder (i.e. quando a resposta é decisiva para levar para a levar para a cama), ele pode calcular um número aceitável utilizando a seguinte formula:
n = (a/(10+s))^0 + 5
n = número de gajas
a = idade do Bro
s = o factor de gaja oferecida ( 1 = freira , 10 = ex-freira)
Article 49
When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it.
Exceptions – Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car and loading an expensive TV on to an expensive car.
Quando questionado, “Precisas de ajuda?” um Bro deve automaticamente responder, “Eu trato disto.”, quer ele consiga ou não.
Excepções: A carregar uma televisão cara, estacionamento paralelo com um carro caro, carregar uma televisão cara num carro caro.
Article 50
If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.
Se um Bro acidentalmente chocar na “bagagem” de outro Bro enquanto anda, ambos os Bros concordam em silêncio em continuar como se nada tivesse acontecido.
Article 51
A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.
If you can't get a bro to scape out your blind date beforehand there is a way to at least how prosmiscuous she'll be - have her choose the date venue
She suggests... Dance Club
Promiscuity... 10
Shel'll be... Scantily clad, sweathy, and impossibel to hear over music. A +
She suggests... Drinks at a bar
Promiscuity... 7
Shel'll be... A lot of fun, or emotionally unstable... promising either way.
She suggests... Fancy Restaurant
Promiscuity... 3
Shel'll be... Boring. If she expects someone to 'pepper her salad' and 'refold her napkin', it stands to reason she'll be pretty lifeless in the bedroom.
She suggests... Meet the parents
Promiscuity... 1
Shel'll be... Untouchable. But, maybe her mom isn't.
She suggests... Miniature Golf
Promiscuity... 5
Shel'll be... Way too competitive, or a lesbian... and not the hot kind of lesbian.
She suggests... Church
Promiscuity... 0 or 10
Shel'll be... Looking for marriage, or looking to sin it up before confession. Toss Up.
Um Bro avalia a acompanhante de outro Bro quando este vai para um encontro “às cegas” e reporta com polegar para cima ou para baixo
Se não conseguires arranjar um Bro para avaliar de antemão, há uma maneira de saber quão promiscua ela será – se ela escolher o local do encontro:
Tradução de um encontro “às cegas”
Ela sugere… Discoteca
Promiscuidade: 10
Ela… usa roupas inadequadas, transpira e impossível de ouvir pela musica alta, excelente.
Ela sugere… Bar
Promiscuidade: 7
Ela será… muito engraçada ou emocionalmente instável… promete de qualquer maneira.
Ela sugere… Restaurante chique
Promiscuidade: 3
Ela será… aborrecida. Se ela esperar que alguém “ponha pimenta na sua salada” e “redobre o seu guardanapo” claramente indica que ela será bastante “sem vida” na casa de banho.
Ela sugere… Conhecer os pais
Promiscuidade: 1
Ela será… intocável. Mas, talvez a mãe dela não.
Ela sugere… mini golfe
Promiscuidade: 5
Ela será… demasiado completiva, ou lésbia… e não do tipo lésbia boa.
Ela sugere… igreja
Promiscuidade: 0 ou 10
Ela anda… à procura de casamento, ou procura um pecado antes de se confessar. Arrisca.
Article 52
A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every not and again probably wouldn't kill him.
Um Bro não é obrigado a saber o aniversário de outro Bro, mas um telefonema de vez em quando provavelmente não o ia matar.
Article 53
Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.
Mesmo em tempo de seca, um Bro puxa o autoclismo 2 vezes.
Article 54
A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th)
Um Bro é obrigado a sair com os seus Bros no Dia de São Patrício ou outro Bro-feriado, incluindo Halloween, Passagem de Ano e Dia do Desespero (13 de Fevereiro).
Article 55
Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.
Mesmo numa emergência em que seja requisitado um torniquete, um Bro nunca empresta ou dá a sua roupa a outro Bro.
Article 56
A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1.
However, to avoid Bro-flation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
Um Bro é obrigado a alertar outro Bro se o Rácio de Bro/Gaja numa festa cair abaixo de 1:1.
No entanto, para evitar sobreBrolação (demasiados Bros) o Bro só pode avisar 1 Bro. Adicionalmente, um Bro não pode especular antecipadamente o Rácio de Bro/Gaja numa festa sem antes a observar.
Article 57
A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
Um Bro nunca revela o resultado de um evento desportivo a outro Bro, a não ser que o Bro tenha uma tripla confirmada e queira ouvir.
Article 58
A Bro doesn't grow a moustache.
Exception – While shaving it’s more than ok for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth till the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.
Um Bro não deixa crescer o bigode.
Excepções: Quando está a fazer a barba e deixa o bigode para o fim para temporariamente experimentar uma barba diferente.
Article 59
A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive
(Crazy expensive bail >(years you've been bros) x $100)
Um Bro deve sempre pagar a fiança a outro Bro, excepto se for fora do país ou, tipo, bastante caro.
Quando é demasiado caro?
Valor da Fiança > (À quantos anos são Bros) x 100€
Article 60
A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
Um Bro deve honrar o pai e a mãe, pois em tempos já foram um Bro e uma rapariga. No entanto, um Bro nunca pensa neles dessa maneira.
61) If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
62) In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. *Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.
63) A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection. Bro-tection forms a central pillar or, more accurately, a plastic coating for the central pillar of the Bro way of life.
While not legally or physically responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, it’s not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease. Some of which, such as children, can last an entire lifetime.
64) A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.
65) A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. Exception - A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it.
66) If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
67) Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
68) If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. Exception - Dry spell trumps hot streak.
69) Duh.
70) A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.
71) As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party. Three Bros are cool - Three amigos, Three musketeers, The police, Apollo 13 Astronauts and the Three stooges. Four Bros are lame – Mount Rushmore, The Fantastic Four, The Monkeys and Michael Jordan’s team mates.
72) A Bro never spell-checks.
73) When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.
74) At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.
75) A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick. Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession.
76) If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone.
77) Bros don't cuddle.
78) A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. Rack jack is to steal your wingman’s chick. To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge.
79) At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall light-heartedly pretend he's not mortified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.
80) A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself. The total age of all the three should be less than 83.
81) A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.
82) If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize to make amends. That's inhuman.
83) A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker. Exceptions – Coworker is an 8 or better, you are superior to the coworker, coworker dresses a little slutty, company recently sued for sexual harassment, someone makes a bet that you can’t, you are switching floors soon, you and coworker get stuck in elevator, coworker soon to be fired, coworker hits on you, coworker going through divorce, coworker not offended when you accidently email provocative self pictures to office.
84) Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. Corollary – Also the Shawshank Redemption, Top Gun, first half of Full Metal Jacket.
85) If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros. Corollary – His Bros are required to whistle, even if they don’t know what they are whistling at.
86) When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.
87) A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.
88) If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.
89) A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.
90) A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.
91) If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.
92) A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance.
93) Bros don't speak French to each other.
94) If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees from fully closed.
95) A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick *D cups and up only, please*)
96) Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.
97) Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.
98) A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event.
99) A Bro never asks for directions when lost. Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area. A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost. A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he himself is not lost at all.
100) When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection. Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.
101) If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave and beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.
102) A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
103) A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.
104) The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.
105) If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop.
106) Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.
107) A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.
108) If a Bro forgets a guy's name he may call him "brah","dude", or "man" but never "Bro".
109) When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.
110) If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome.
111) If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.
112) A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar. Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke. Exception to exception: No chick songs.
113) A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick
Acceptable age difference formula: Chick's age = (Guy's age divided by 2) + 7
114) If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.
115) A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros.
116) A Bro shall not kill another Bro or that Bros’ chances to score with a chick.
117) A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel. Corollary – It is fully expected that a Bro will try anything to gain possession of the remote upto and including an attempt to flatulate his Bro out of the room.
118) When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.
119) When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle.
120) A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.
121) Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope. Corollary – If a Bro experiences a catastrophic wipeout, he can always blame his bindings or the conditions.
122) A Bro is always psyched. Always.
123) Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.
124) If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
125) If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.
126) In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
127) A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.
128) A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.
129) If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.
130) If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.
131) While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.
132) If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.
133) A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro. Exception – Pull my finger.
134) A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.
135) If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot: (a) foot race to the car, (b) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (c) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.
136) When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a disinterested "It was okay". A Bro can never bring a camera back from a bachelor party. The only memento a Bro is allowed to bring back is something that can be destroyed by penicillin.
137) When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.
138) A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin. Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.
139) Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro".
140) A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law).
141) A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.
142) A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.
143) When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.
144) It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.
145) A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion.
146) A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros. Providing graphic detail unconsciously forces your Bros to picture you naked and there is no coming back from that.
147) If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back. Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy. If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week. If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back.
148) A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.
149) A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.
150) No sex with you Bro's ex. It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex. Violating this code is worse than killing a Bro.
Amendments:
1. A bro is entitled to have sex with his bro's ex if she initiates it, is really hot, or his bro is out of town or in a different room.
2. If a bro writes and directs a trilogy of awesome space-themed sagas, he is forbidden from later tarnishing that legacy by crapping out a prequel trilogy that forces bros to specify Episodes 4-6 or the Real Trilogy when referencing what was once a perfect series of movies ... regardless of how anyone feels about those fuzzy bear critters.
3. Should a bro become aware that his bro has a really hot sister (9 and up), she is no longer protected under Article 19. That said, the bro should re-evaluate if the sister resembles his bro in a wig.
4. A bro shall never turn away a bro who shows up uninvited at his door ... with a box of porn.
5. If a bro lives with a chick, it is no longer acceptable for you to show up uninvited at his door with a box of porn.
6. Okay, so if a bro desperately needs to stash his porn somewhere, he is allowed to show up uninvited at his bro's door with a box of porn, even if the bro is living with a chick, since the bro's connection with the porn constitutes an older and more meaningful relationship. The box of porn is afforded right of way over the live-in girlfriend, despite the box of porn's inability to get super-pissed and withhold sex.
7. A bro may toss The Bro Code out the window if Scandinavian twins are involved in any capacity.
8. A bro is allowed to play the air guitar, provided the air guitar is made of plastic and connected to a video game system.
9. A bro is allowed to publish The Bro Code if he stands to make a profit on it.
PARADISA CORROLARY: ... Or if a disturbing amount of castle dudes have never heard of it. Wallow in darkness no longer, fellow Bros!
Violations of The Bro Code
Violations of The Bro Code may result in a fine of up to $250,000 or in some cases, permanent DIS-BROMENT. Unresolved disputes over the bro code may be submitted va email to the international court of bros at brocode@gmx.co.uk, provided such disputes include pictures of chicks involved. But only if they're hot-the chicks, not the disputes.
There is no greater affront to the spirit of the bro code than a willing violation. While occasionally a bro may err due to inebration, a momentary lapse of judment, or a chick is so hot that other bros would say "he didn't really have a choice," any premeditated infraction of the bro code is inexcusable. When a bro violates the bro code, he hurts not only his bros but also himself, because he is no longer bro wrthy.
It's important to note that there are no tenets of the bro code that cannot be discussed in confidence with another bro, and would urge a bro to seek permission from another bro before doing something, or someone, that he feels might violate this sacred code.
Note: A great time to get the permission of a bro is when he/she is super drunk..... like almost passed out.
If and when a violation occurs, a bro has the right to administer the offending bro a level of punishment befitting the infraction. He may choose from the approved punishments list.
Approved punishments for violations:
Revocation of wingman status
Text blackout
Designated all-time tip-leaver
Assigned to solar refraction seat in living room
Removal from inappropriate email forwards list
Waterboarding
Temporary blackout from BBQs/football Sundays
Loss of permanent shotgun
Bumped from top position on not-using-season-tickets list
Removal from holiday card mailing list
Airport pickup/dropoff pickup priveledges revoked
Must help offended bro move heavy furniture
Temporary removal from usual golf foursome
Must return stuff loaned from offended bro, even stuff he thinks his bro forgot about
No longer allowed to borrow truck
Offended bro no longer required to bring beer over
Aviso:
THIS POST IS GOING TO BE...LEGEN - wait for it - DARY!
E devido a isso é altamente não recomendado a mentes que não sejam estupidas e com tendencia para coisas engraçadas.
Então, antes de ler o grande e maravilhoso texto lá em cima, vamos começar por conhecer o Maior Bro de todos os tempos: Barney Stinson!
CuriosidadesSaiba mais sobre Barney aqui e sobre a série {How I Met Your Mother} aqui
& Para enfatizar, Barney insere a frase "wait for it" no meio da palavra, geralmente em "legendary". Ex: "Legen -- wait for it -- Dary!"
& Barney se autodenomina melhor amigo do Ted e padrinho do Marshall.
& Barney, em cerca de 83% das vezes, usa estatísticas para fazer com que seus argumentos soem verdadeiros.
& Quando perguntam sobre o trabalho do Barney, ele sempre dá risada e diz "Please".
& Barney sempre se refere a Robin pelo seu sobrenome, 'Scherbatsky'.
& Barney faz várias referências sobre seu blog, que pode ser lido no site da CBS, Blog do Barney (em inglês)
& Quase sempre que faz uma piada, Barney faz com alguém alguma variedade do seu "High Five", para mostrar que foi engraçada.
& Barney é apaixonado por fatos, e sempre aparecendo usando ótimos modelos, até um fato-pijama. Sempre tentam convencer seus amigos a usar fato também com a frase: Suit up!
A origem do Bro Code:
O Bro Code existe mesmo?
Veja aqui a capa Oh yeah. Em 2008 foi lançado a versão integral do Bro Code.
Existe o livro com todos os artigos escritos, e também o Audio Book, com a voz do Barney a citar cada artigo.
Infelizmente, ambos só estão disponiveis através da internet e em inglês.
Agora pessoal, podem ler lá em cima, uma lista quase completa de todas as regras do Bro Code.
Acham que é impossivel haver uma coisa tão estupida? Bem, não é impossivel. Mas também não é possivel. É POSSIMPIBLE(c)Barney.
Eu sei que vocês não perceberam nada deste post. Mas quem conhecer How I Met Your Mother, tenho a certeza que adorou.
kell; (bennie , just a little)
